Dear People,

If you are not the father of my children (or mother...but for purposes of this post, we will stick to the nosy men out there) please don't "father" my children.

To Mr. Manager at Mama Fu's:

My daughter was not going to hurt herself standing in a window that was all of six inches off of the ground. Yeah, you might have to clean it, but welcome to the world of working in a restaurant. You actually have to clean things. She was being quiet, not disturbing the other two tables in the restaurant and I was actually enjoying my meal for a change. So, no matter how nicely you put on that fake smile as you say, "I don't want to you hurt yourself, miss" as you remove her from the window (did I give you permission to touch my child in the first place?) it still makes me mad. It is my child and I can see her as she is all of 7 feet away and I am FACING her. So yes, she was in the window, not hurting anyone, including herself. If she would've fallen, she probably would've gotten some dirt on her knee and that is about it. Please don't touch her again. Since this happened on Monday night and you were the first instance of this, I was nice and pretended to smile back, but I hold grudges FOREVER and I assure you that we will be finding a new fake-Chinese restaurant to go to when daddy is out of town (as is our tradition.)

To Mr. Man at Lowe's in Springdale:

I had high hopes of buying new carpet from your store as the price was much better than that at Home Depot. However, our brief conversation has assured that my carpet will not be bought from you. Nope. You see, I'm tired from chasing a one- year-old and four-year-old all day long. So, when my dear one says she needs to go potty and takes off, I don't get too excited. Especially when I can still hear the pitter-patter of her little feet on your concrete floors. I have learned that this is one time that I don't need to run, you see. I can HEAR her so I know that she is ok. Oh, and I know where she is heading. And, the fact that I'm saying in a semi-loud but calm voice, "Bear, wait for Mommy," probably means that I'm in control of the situation. When she comes running back to me, followed by you, and I kneel down to speak to MY child, **note the keyword here - MY** I don't need you to say, "You don't need to lose her here" to which I snidely replied, "Do you think I lost her on purpose??" Then, you felt the need to say, "There are just lots of things here and I don't want her to get her to get hurt" Yep, mouth diarrhea has me again. "Seriously, you think I want her to get hurt?" (and you get the mommy look from me here. yep. Betcha' haven't gotten that one in at least 40 years.) And seriously, just the day after Mr. Manager decided to be a pseudo-father?


So, yeah, if you are one of my mommy friends, feel free to help me out with my kids/tell me when they are being little hellions. But, if you are some random person, hands off my babes.